"The Cosgrove File. December 25th., 2012. This is Craig Cosgrove on the CBC Radio Network. The world didn't end this past weekend, but someone in the studio got a really big idea. The idea was this: what if a nuclear exchange took place on Christmas Eve night, leaving the world in ruins on Christmas Day? Well, Ted Kelly and I wrote a song about that possibility, which we talked about a few days ago. You'll hear it after this for the American Nazi Party."
ANNOUNCER: Achtung! Ze following is a transcript of a short farewell speech from American Nazi Party President Werner Klump to ze listeners of this station. It vas recorded just before he was put to death last night in the Death House at the Texas State Prison.
VOICE: MMMMPH! MMMMPH! MMMMMMMPH!
"ALL RIGHT, YOU NAZI FUCK! GET YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK BECAUSE WE'RE TYING 'EM WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT!"
VOICE: HMMMMMPH! HHHMMMMMPH!
"EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU KNOCKED OFF THAT JERK IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM! WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED!"
VOICE: MMMMMMMPH! MMMMMMMPH!
"COME ON! IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT! YOU DON'T WANT TO KEEP THE HANGMAN WAITING, DO YA?"
VOICE: MMMMMMMMMPH! MMMMMMMPH! MMMMMMMMMMMPHF!
"TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS! HAVE THE PRIEST EXCOMMUNICATE HIM BEFORE WE HANG HIM!"
Sorry, folks. The Christmas song was full of profanity in it, so we can't do that one. Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm Craig Cosgrove on CBC Radio Network. And remember, the only good Nazi is a dead one! Remember, transcripts, podcasts and mp3s of this program are availible on CBCRadio.bomb. And I'll see you on the Television this Sunday morning for Weekend Open House. Check your listings for showtimes.
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